Ye Olde Shoppe of Magicks – Coconut Mounts of Absurd Gallantry

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Coconut Mounts of Absurd Gallantry
Wondrous Item, rare, requires attunement by any creature with a squire, servant, or familiar

Description
A pair of dried coconuts, perfectly halved. When clapped together in rhythm, they conjure the illusion of a proud warhorse carrying the rider. Though no horse exists, onlookers hear the thunder of hooves and see the rider bobbing in stride as if mounted. Knights of questionable repute swear by their reliability.

Mount Features

  • Illusory Steed. While the coconuts are clapped together, the attuned creature is treated as mounted on a horse. The rider and squire gain a speed of 60 ft. on land but only if another creature follows beside them, clapping the coconuts.
  • Squire Required. The mount vanishes the moment the coconut-clapping ceases. A familiar, unseen servant, or actual squire can fulfill this role.
  • Clip-Clop of Authority. Once per short rest, the rider can amplify the hoof-beats. Each hostile creature within 30 ft. must succeed on a DC 13 Wisdom saving throw or believe a cavalry charge is incoming, becoming frightened until the end of their next turn.
  • Invisible Steed, Visible Knight. The rider gains all mounted combat benefits (extra movement, mounted combatant feats) but no creature is actually there — spells like detect magic or true sight reveal only illusion and sound.

Quirks

  • The mount refuses to cross water deeper than 1 ft. (though riders often insist it’s a “feature”).
  • If the coconuts are used in taverns, they automatically draw stares, laughter, or disbelief.
  • Anyone attempting to eat from the coconuts suffers disadvantage on attack rolls for 1 hour due to absurd indigestion.

DM Guidance
Treat the coconut mount as an illusory phantom steed that is mostly for comedy, roleplay, and flavor. In combat it grants speed and mounted status, but cannot trample, attack, or act independently. Clever players may weaponize the sound effects to spook animals, distract guards, or start rumors of armies nearby.

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